Thesis Survey

I was asked by a student to answer a survey for his research/thesis. The last question really got me worked up.

10. Please write briefly how you feel about religion, atheism or your ideas related to faith. 

Religion is rooted in authoritarianism -- that something, a higher power, controls us and humankind have no control over their lives. This is especially unfortunate to the uneducated/uninformed who surrender and sacrifice their lives to serve cults/ cult leaders believing that they will be redeemed by a savior in the end. Our elders on the other hand grew up not knowing any better and so they subscribe to it as parenting from the past generations is rooted in authoritarianism as well, where the parents are authority and kids cannot ask why. Religion gives some sort of reason and purpose to people who'd feel helpless and powerless in the middle of the universe where nothing is really predetermined. Simply, religion is placebo.

Development, progress and evolution made the world more rational and asking why and keeping curious and exploring is highly encouraged; and in my opinion, religion is an outdated concept. 

If anything, religion is an arbitrary divide created (as race, gender, political affiliation, heirarchies, etc) and used to justify hate and wars. If people realize that we are all going through our lives with no definite purpose or reason, all suffering at the same time, maybe there will be more compassion, and more peace, because we grow to know that we're not competing. We will put spotlight on the human experience and we'll all be more likely to use our faculties of reason and logic because nothing really happens for a (vague, divinely predetermined) reason, and we'll understand more, learn, analyze and adapt more and from that greater progress will be the output.

Hashtag Work Hashtag Shock

Ending the night second guessing Charles Darwin and Niccolo Machiavelli. 

Survival of the fittest? End justifies the means?

The universe has a perverse sense of humor and screwing up creatures randomly in sporadic periods of time may be the only way to achieve balance. Things don't just happen for a reason. Things are not predetermined. No one is special. Let's all suck it up. This only is one of the plethora of instances when we feel puny and powerless. But guess what, the good thing is, we are capable of analysing and learning and deciding. And at the end of the day, everything is still up to us.

#News #Work #Shock #SocialDarwinism #Machiavellian #Humanist

Last night I heard news of retrenchment in the company I work for, 25 people ended up without jobs. Effective immediately. Allegedly some performance based, some due to redundancy, some due to cost. I don't understand really, here I am on a leave of absence and somehow I am still secured of a job I can go back to in a month's time, but some people are not. I don't know what really drove this, only the higher ups will really know--Big Brother and cohorts. While the company I work for drives for transparency as much as possible, we all know that in reality, there's only really so much that we can know straightforward; the rest will need major research to be discovered or it will gently unfold in front of our very eyes before we even realize it. People will hide things from you to protect you, or because they need you and they can't lose you, or because it's the only way they'll survive, they'll swim at the expense of you sinking -- without letting you into the real score.

If it was up to me, I'd want dinosaurs to be around. It maybe unsafe but it is fun in a nerve-racking sort of way.

But they're gone and humankind came up of ways to achieve the same "unsafe but it is fun in a nerve-racking sort of way" sensation through cliff diving, sky diving, bungee jumping, among others.

It  really sucks that some of the people who ended up losing their jobs are the ones that I've grown close to, even worse, especially those who I know really NEED the job more than anything. The ones who didn't have an option and just decided to stay because their survival depends on it. I wanted these people to still be able to enjoy the security of job and income, but there really is nothing to be done right now but just hold our heads high and try again. Do what it takes to release emotions, the tension; know that there are people around you who are empathizing. Get mad, cry, question everything in your lives, move on, shrug it off. It might not be an easy feat, but it is part of the human experience; and know that you're not alone -- people suffer and fight battles everyday.

It is sad, that there is no way we can attain balance without having some people being worse off, getting the shorter end of the stick. Pareto in application. There is a balance, though not always rooted on equality and this can lead to the inevitable Marxist grand narrative. But in the end it just makes you feel powerless, people are dispensable; for the big players, we're mere means to an end. We're gonna be living for a much longer time with things like this happening, screwing up our lives one after another. We'll work our asses off with promises of a good great life. We sacrifice because there could be something better waiting for us at the other side. Until the final time when the universe decides that were more of a liability more than anything and we should just cease to exist, and there are no rewards -- just void.

Look Before You Cross the Road

It's been almost a month since the incident happened. I'm doing self-therapy. I've read more books in the past twenty-something days than I did the last half a year. I've read pages upon pages of news, articles, infographs, gossip, stories in the net; some useful, mostly trivial. I've discovered manga too, all thanks to my husband who introduces activities and movies to keep me busy and forget just even for a bit. My husband brought me paint and brushes and a big paint pad too.  Here are some of my artworks, they are not outstanding or anything, but it keeps the tears from falling or the person writing this from downing a whole bottle of meds.

But I still hurt, physically and emotionally. I still find myself crying alone before I sleep, silently so I don't wake other people. I cry over human interest stories that I relate to. I want to slaughter everyone who posts a baby anecdote or photo in facebook for lack of sensitivity that while their source of unending bliss is reminding me of something that I might not have always wanted, but somehow fail at. How fucked up is that? You don't even want it in the first place, it comes unannounced in your life but you're gonna fail in it anyway, just so the plot thickens. My facebook is right now mostly showing huffington post, mental floss and i fucking love science feeds. I don't have the time to deal with other people's bullshit. Leave me alone in my magma chamber of rationality and facts. I just want to be left alone. I don't like being asked how I am. It will spew out a Pandora's box of incoherent emotions. I'm not in the mood to be chatty. I am miserable.

People will probably judge me about my negativity, but this is reality and I can't be genuinely happy right now. I like to plan my life, that's my obsessive-compulsive disorder on hyperdrive and what I have here in front of me is not going according to plan. Seriously, my life is not even half perfect enough for such a mess to shake things up. Have the rich kids go through this, have Heart Evangelista, Paris Hilton or something go through this, because their families won't budge and hurt financially over these mundane expenses. I on the other hand though, am the breadwinner and I don't get why am I being fucked up like this, when I have bills to pay and mouths to feed. I am angry. I'm delirious.

It's taking time, I know but I'll go crazy if I force my moving on, grieving and healing to happen. Things will fall into place, I know. But grieving and healing takes time. I will take my time. Not everything is predetermined and not everything happens for a reason. Things happen because people drive them, and I'm driving into something that will unfold in a longer period of time than expected.

"I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road." - Stephen Hawking

Activism

Be thankful for the activists. The rights you're enjoying today but unconsciously ignoring and taking for granted, they fought for it. They are not mere nuisance who block up the road come May 1.

Democracy. Education. Suffrage. Minimum wage. Health care. Social welfare. Reproductive health.  Free press. Price hikes. Human rights. Cybercrime. Freedom of information. Women's rights. Corruption. Better distribution of taxpayers' money. Faster internet speed. Accountability of our rotten politicians...

These activists lay their lives on the line so the rest of us can enjoy ours: earning money, surfing the internet, watching TV, driving the roads.

Now think of living your life under dictatorship, where only the richest are sent to schools, you can't vote, your pay is halved. No Philhealth discounts, condoms are illegal, mothers dying one by one due to pregnancy or giving birth, prices skyrocketing, people are killed, women abused and raped unabashedly. What those activists might have achieved in the time they've been on the streets might not be a perfect society, but I'd rather have them screaming in the streets, braving the sun and rain striving for something better.

Now let me ask you a question, what have YOU done that isn't self-serving? One that serves a whole nation? Better to be an activist that be apathetic.

#Activists #Heroes #Apathy

Pixie

So I finally decided to chop off my hair and go pixie yesterday. And this was how I felt about it.

I thought that pixie won't look good on me too for a long time. Not to sound too melodramatic, it took me a few months to make myself ready and lots of overanalyzing. I though that my face is too round, that I need to lose weight and get those jaws going on first and that I'd look like a boy and society might not find me pretty/attractive anymore.

Maybe Buddhism, yoga, research on all the varieties of pixie available and lots of inspirational and women empowerment quotes and the RH law made me make up my mind. I never felt more beautiful and strong. Yes, that haircut is an ode to womanhod.

RH Law

I've never felt so passionate over something for so long. The feminist in me is crying and shouting in wild joy. Again, it's not about shoving principles down people's throats. It's always about choice.

Part of my conscious ultimatums prior to child bearing was the RH Law. My faith in humanity is partially restored; the branches of the government despite the plethora of errors in so many facets has done one right. That's still a good thing.

And to commemorate this win, I've decided this afternoon that the #RoadToPixie must go on. They say feminists cut their hair short as a political statement. Then let this be it...

Now, let's fight for more freedom. Let's all choose to be in the correct side of history (specially when left is right).

#SafeSex #RHLaw #NoGloveNoLove #ProChoice #ProGoodLife #ReproductiveHealth #NotReproductiveDeath #SeparationOfChurchAndState #TaxTheChurchIfTheyInterfereWithState