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Ending the night second guessing Charles Darwin and Niccolo Machiavelli. 

Survival of the fittest? End justifies the means?

The universe has a perverse sense of humor and screwing up creatures randomly in sporadic periods of time may be the only way to achieve balance. Things don't just happen for a reason. Things are not predetermined. No one is special. Let's all suck it up. This only is one of the plethora of instances when we feel puny and powerless. But guess what, the good thing is, we are capable of analysing and learning and deciding. And at the end of the day, everything is still up to us.

#News #Work #Shock #SocialDarwinism #Machiavellian #Humanist

Last night I heard news of retrenchment in the company I work for, 25 people ended up without jobs. Effective immediately. Allegedly some performance based, some due to redundancy, some due to cost. I don't understand really, here I am on a leave of absence and somehow I am still secured of a job I can go back to in a month's time, but some people are not. I don't know what really drove this, only the higher ups will really know--Big Brother and cohorts. While the company I work for drives for transparency as much as possible, we all know that in reality, there's only really so much that we can know straightforward; the rest will need major research to be discovered or it will gently unfold in front of our very eyes before we even realize it. People will hide things from you to protect you, or because they need you and they can't lose you, or because it's the only way they'll survive, they'll swim at the expense of you sinking -- without letting you into the real score.

If it was up to me, I'd want dinosaurs to be around. It maybe unsafe but it is fun in a nerve-racking sort of way.

But they're gone and humankind came up of ways to achieve the same "unsafe but it is fun in a nerve-racking sort of way" sensation through cliff diving, sky diving, bungee jumping, among others.

It  really sucks that some of the people who ended up losing their jobs are the ones that I've grown close to, even worse, especially those who I know really NEED the job more than anything. The ones who didn't have an option and just decided to stay because their survival depends on it. I wanted these people to still be able to enjoy the security of job and income, but there really is nothing to be done right now but just hold our heads high and try again. Do what it takes to release emotions, the tension; know that there are people around you who are empathizing. Get mad, cry, question everything in your lives, move on, shrug it off. It might not be an easy feat, but it is part of the human experience; and know that you're not alone -- people suffer and fight battles everyday.

It is sad, that there is no way we can attain balance without having some people being worse off, getting the shorter end of the stick. Pareto in application. There is a balance, though not always rooted on equality and this can lead to the inevitable Marxist grand narrative. But in the end it just makes you feel powerless, people are dispensable; for the big players, we're mere means to an end. We're gonna be living for a much longer time with things like this happening, screwing up our lives one after another. We'll work our asses off with promises of a good great life. We sacrifice because there could be something better waiting for us at the other side. Until the final time when the universe decides that were more of a liability more than anything and we should just cease to exist, and there are no rewards -- just void.

"Bah! Humbug!"

The end of the year hasn't been very good, and I'm not in the festive mood.

I've started nurturing a philosophy in 2012. Basically it is summarized as Eliminate Materialism; Counterculture. But since I'm incrementally embracing the philosophy and lifestyle, my former paradigm is being shaken, got me torn on which path to take - which seemed to be transpiring one after another. I'm in the process of taking risks; in the many facets of my life. All the limbo feeling has got me edgy. I don't know what will happen next. The philosophy is the only reason the waves haven't had me going ballistic yet.

All this apathy... and getting pissed off. You know how they say never underestimate someone's feelings? I could use some of that right now. No one knows how's anyone has suffered really. Some people hide it better than others. When that happen to other people, I just leave them alone and don't bombard them with accusations. I don't tell them they're fucked up and that they're overreacting. I just let them be and sort their shit out (though sorting your shit out publicly - eherm... in facebook, all details included - is a different thing; by doing so you are making your shit available for public consumption; thus undersolicited advice and ridicule).

I have something to say. Though I chose not to tell anyone of you. I'd rather shut up and be stoic about it. I don't need anyone to listen and empathize either, I know I alone can figure it out, resolve it. I won't give you details or hints. I don't need to apologize if I don't feel like celebrating like the rest of you. So yeah! Bah! Humbug to you.

Bad News

This year can't get any crazier. From my last post to today, bad news and negativity churn out one after another. I guess adulthood is finally sinking in. I hope it gets better next year. No more bad news.

Hello there, December

It's the last month of the year. 2012 was a crazy year. Ups and downs, flips, peaks, valleys and plateaus. The year is ending, let's wish for enough.

Dropbox

I used Dropbox before mainly for work, but since I just bought a tablet, which I plan to use to watch movies, TV shows and check my personal and work files on the go, I have decided to create a personal Dropbox account which shall sync my laptop, office desktop, my phone and my tablet. I also plan to use it to share the TV shows and movies with my friends. :)

Lomo: 121112

Took these shots using FujiChrome 64T loaded on La Sardina. My first slide film attempt. Pretty cool, I say. I'm definitely buying more slide films, so much fun working with it.

I bought the tungsten film from Snapnook, together with the cable release which I used in the longX shots of Edsa.Out of all the Lomo-sellers Ive contacted, Snapnook has got to be the fastest to deal with, expect answers to inquiries within hours, and your products in your doorstep the very next day when the order is placed. I love that shop. Apart from Lomo-related-stuff, they also sell vinyls, and just confirmed turntables when I inquired on their multiply shop. I am looking to getting a turntable soon too.

Anywhoo, without further adieu, here's my 64T shots.

Tungsten burn

Yeti feet

Two-headed Myk monster

C5 at 7AM

Edsa at night

Cars, trains and road lighsthow

Pepsi Pogi, the Hulk

Gurlfriends

Chips and booze

Gas prices

Sevuhn eluhvihn

Gurrrlllsss

Shyn. Adey.

Plane

KIDS: Kassy, Kevin and Karlo

Valle Verde

Munchkins

Skydome ceiling on face paint

And oh, let me leave you with THIS, my peg home.

Pet Peeve: 121109

Liking your own status update or picture... and saying "Thanks" to literally everyone who liked it too.

and... 'Friends' who like each other's posts as if it is an obligation (I mean EVERY.FUCKIN.POST) and even remind each other to like each other's post.

What's up with that?! Ohmylourddd!

Pet Peeve: 121105

People who, out of nowhere - suddenly, becomes clingy, compliment-y, giggly and chatty with you. I don't do charity kindness and ass kissing. Puh-leese.

My eyes just get big and round... and can't wait to get out of that scenario, pronto.

Pet Peeve: 121101

I hate people who claim that something (e.g. expression, slang-term, idea) is theirs when you know for a fact, as you were there when it was coined/brainstormed/researched/discovered, that it is NOT theirs; worse, it's yours -- and you have shitload of proof that it's yours.

Major eyeroll.

Pet Peeve: 121031

I've decided that I will post any random pet peeve to record everything that I hate or annoy the living hell outta me.

For today: I hate people who post religious-praise-worship shit online.

Copies

There's something about writing effective status updates. I don't know what it is. Perhaps, conviction. But whatever that is, someone seemed not to have it... and I really wish she's got it so she can express her love for her child more effectively to the public. It's just so painful to read her posts. Ohmylourd, make it stop.

Facebook is your personal ad, make it snappy.

Lomo: 121031

Pics taken using La Sardina on Expired DNP Centuria ASA 400 Film.

The whole 3D thing

Bardagul <3 Potchie

Doppelgänger

Aeroplane track

Morning

Guitarman

Sun

Two Bardies

Ma

Sikreto

May gusto akong itanong sa'yo... anong nangyari? Ang saya natin nuon. Ang kyut natin. Akala nila, tayo, o kung hindi man, magiging tayo in time. Ok ka naman, mga kartada ocho yung buong pagkatao mo.

Hinihintay kita nuon. Bilang babae, sabi ko, may hangganan ang kaya kong gawin, yung iba ikaw na dapat ang kumilos. Kaso, ang bagal mo, o baka, hindi mo naman talaga ako gusto. E hindi ko alam pero nagmamadali ako nuon. Bumagsak tuloy ako sa gago. Iniyakan pa kita nung nagkahiwalay kami. Nakinig ka, nagbigay ng payo. Pero sa gitna ng pag-iyak ko, iniisip ko noon, ikaw kasi... kung me ginawa ka agad, edi hindi ka naunahan, edi sana di kita tinatawagan para umiyak. Edi sana masaya tayong dalawa.

Pero kung naging tayo, magiging kami kaya. Kami na ngayon, mahal na mahal ko sya. Sobrang saya ko sa kanya. Lumamang lang sya sayo ng bahagya sa muka, sa tikas ng katawan at sa kakayahang magpasensya sa'kin.. Pero aaminin ko, lamang ka talaga sa talino.

Wag mong isipin na mahal kita. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung minahal kita nuon o kinilig lang ako kasi ikaw lang ang lalaki (na pwede) na kilala ko, o kung nagustuhan mo man lang din ba ako o guni-guni lang yun ng birhen na utak ko. Pero hanggang ngayon, iniisip ko kung ano kaya kung nagpadala ako at nagbigay ng motibo, e lagi na naman kitang kasama nuon. Sumo-solo-time tayo. Maraming pwedeng mangyari kung gago talaga tayo. Pero napahanga mo din ako, kasi sa kabila ng dami ng pagkakataon na magkasama tayong dalawa lang, hindi ka nagsamantala. Ni-respeto mo ako, hanggang siko lang ang hawak mo pag tumatawid tayo sa malalapad na kalsada, at di maikakailang kinikilig ako sa mahigpit mong akbay pag sukob tayo sa payong.

Pero hanggang dun na lang talaga. Tuwing magkakausap tayo, gusto kong banggitin sayo, tanungin ka. Nagustuhan mo ba ako nuon? Kasi sinabi sakin ng kaibigan mo, gusto mo daw ako, ang verbatim nga "madly inlove". Konteng tulak na lang ba, aakapin mo na ako nung panahong inosenteng magkatabi tayo sa kama. Kund dumikit pa ng konte yung muka mo sa muka ko, hahalikan mo ba ako? O ako lang ang mejo patay na patay sa'yo?

Yun lang. Hindi ko mapigilan isipin kahit hanggang ngayon. Yung ano kaya kung ganun ang nangyari.

Grow Up (that's a command)

You know how in school there were bullies, the ones who get your lunchbox or steal your lunch money?

I was on the balancing beam. I had friends from the popular clique and had friends who are not the "IT" people. Highschool was that. I survived on wits and finding equilibrium.

I was able to get into a prestigious university for college. I thought all the cliques and bullying was finally over. In the university I went to, people only cared for themselves. It is survival of the fittest minus the backstabbing. It was a university that regarded intellectual honesty as one of its core values. People (mostly) were honestly fighting their way through undergrad (though some may have used tears, connections, etc. to get their way). There were rich kids, poor kids, frat boys, sorority girls; there were parking lot fights, misunderstandings and debates on ideology, principles, and sometimes, their favorite actors. But during the course of my stay in that university. I don't think I've witnessed the classic bullying we all know of.

And so, I faced the real world and stepped into the corporate scene brave to know that all those "Highschool never ends" and bullying shit happen only in the movies, or books; and that people in the real world of adults are mature enough, if not professional enough, to act in accordance to decorum.

But it's not. With the dawn of the social-network-TMI-lifestyle, this became worse. Covert bullying and explicit alienation.

Often I witness this and take the moral high ground by ignoring them. If it's too rampant and is affecting my mood on a day-to-day basis, I unsubscribe/unfollow/unfriend. Sometimes, if it irritates me too much already, or I felt provoked, I tend to play fire with fire.

But to the people who does this on a daily basis. What do you get out of it? A false sense of superiority? Delusion of grandeurs and megalomania, does it make you feel better?

But really, when you think about it, when you dissect the core. Why would you care so much about other people? Much so, the people are not celebrities who have decided to put their lives on the open and public scrutiny to be talked about? What will you get out of it? If it causes you pain, ignore it, otherwise, you're just making the flame so much stronger; and extinguishing the hate in your gut will be so much more difficult.

For me, it illustrates an underlying insecurity. People who are never happy with themselves and their lives – they have nothing better to talk about and nothing better to do. No tales nor anecdotes to share with friends and other people in general; and in effect, you talk about other people. Idle hands are the devil's playground -- a phrase I learned early in grade school after watching that Devon Sawa film. If people are busy and living lives interesting enough, they'd share about their experiences; and not dwell on envy and hate for others.

Grow up. Stop thinking that the world spins around you. If you do that, you'll start minding your own business and just let other people be, too.

Taking a Dump

I have had about a dozen real-life (as opposed to TV/movie) crushes and/or puppy loves and/or flings and/or date around and/or manliligaw before I ended up with my husband. None of them lasted for more than a year, so I never really thought they're big deals. Though I will remember why all of them didn't work (euphemism for I dumped them for some).

1. Talked shit.
2. Was a mainstream jock.
3. Too gangsta and was/is broke.
4. We were too young.
5. Poor dental hygiene.
6. Was a playah.
7. Too nice and too sweet,
8. LDRs don't work.
9. Too big/bulky.
10. Too religious, a liar, stupid and has bad music taste.
11. Was just after the nookie.
12. Liar.
13. Wearing dentures.

You who's reading this... Were you one of them? ;p 

So yeah, I've had that many losers before I ended up with my husband. Good thing I didn't end up with them. I think having to go through ALL that made me smarter when I finally came to my final decision. How about you?

My husband is a Civil Engineer

... and yet I am the one in charge of the kitchen renovation. After all, it is gonna be my kitchen. Where I'll cook and stuff. So right now, I'm the appointed pseudo-architect. Anywhoo... my husband did all the measurements and scaling and what not, but the design... that's me, and the idea where to use slide doors, drawers and hinge doors, that's me too. Here's the draft design:

Click photo to enlarge

3D version, click to enlarge

Don't diss, I'm no Autocad expert. I just did this with all the passion I have for arts and design and whatever-you-may-call my tendency to be visual about things.The bottom part is still TBA because I want to buy the plate wire basket fixture in Ace hardware first because the measurement of the drawers and whatever will be dependent on the size of the fixture.

I've done window shopping on the materials for this kitchen renovation project and I have a vague sense of what I want in terms of 'the look' that I'm trying to achieve with the kitchen. We already have the person who'll do it booked, he's just waiting for this design.

I hope it'll be a success. Having a really functional kitchen has been my frustration since when my parents designed our kitchen, it was 20 years ago and 'fixtures' aren't really the in thing yet. So really I hope this works.

And for the record, this isn't the hobby I've been talking about in the previous post.

Here are tips to make a small kitchen work, if anyone else is doing kitchen renovations right now like me.

Of Birthdays and Quitting

I turned 24 last March 1st. I greeted it by being rushed to the ER due to costochondritis and lack of potassium. Though I've had fits of this before, I guess having it on my birthday made it sort of a turning point.

The health issues due to the nightshift has reached its all time high. I've had numerous low-potassium fits, nightmares and is even taking melatonin supplements already to manage my sleep cycle. I am even paying extra 1,500 more or less a month on electricity bills because airconditioning turned out to be a necessity already for me to be able to sleep. Plus, Mike's and my room looks gloomy because sunshine is strictly prohibited to come in at anytime of the day during workdays so I can sleep soundly.

So I quit. I submitted my resignation last March 18. I am rendering my 30-days notice (sort of) and advised them that I'll be using the rest of my unused vacation leaves. I'll be starting in the new workplace April 11th. Goodbye, Bonifacio Global City; hello, Ortigas Center. Goodbye ultra-fair skin because I've been lacking sun exposure for the last 3 years of my life; hello normal calm life - one that actually experiences traffic.

I will be working as a Research Analyst for a TNS, Pulseasia-esque firm based in Australia. Wow. I am worried and excited at the same time.

I Want a Laid Back Backyard Wedding

I am blogging mainly about planning for the wedding because I wanna gather up my thoughts. I wanna post the inspirations here. So I won't forget when I get too overwhelmed with all the suppliers' input.

That's the feel that I'm going for. I don't want any of those uber-frivolous, generic wedding stuff. That's why I wanna keep it as DIY as possible. We don't have the luxury of  BIG enough backyard to sit a hundred people, and that's the only reason why I am getting a venue. But beyond that, I want it to reflect Mike's and my personality, and believe me, classic, formal and uptight is not us. I want it to have an indie vibe, but not indie/hippie so much that I'll need to wear my eyeglasses on to iterate that I am a nerd or end up a looking a little kooky.

I haven't done so much of the footwork. But I've done a lot of planning, online researching and writing down. The first footwork will take place on Sunday, when I go to my first Bridal Fair. In the meantime, I'll just create great credit history so the bank decides to give us a bigger credit limit and save up. Really.

In the meantime, while I am doing that, better check Green Wedding Shoes . Jarvik suggested the site to me for DIY inspirations, though I have been there once or twice while browsing through MangoRed's (wedding photographers) site.