Fuhrer

Today, after spending a suffocating fortnight at home, Mike and I decided that I can go out. I can sit, stand and walk small distances without hurting so much, and we did not want to waste the cinema tickets for The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Getting in and out of the car was a chore, I felt like an old lady having to hold the grab handle and positioning my legs awkwardly so I don't suddenly twist and strain my waist. Walking was painfully slow, with the pace I was in, an ant or a turtle could probably outwalk me. Standing for long periods of time waiting for the e-plus woman to give us our ticket was tormenting.

You held my back getting out of the car; you found the nearest available parking slot to the mall entrance; you held my arm as I walk in a pace slower than that old lady (that you jokingly said I should ask to race); you carried my bag (despite our staunch advocacy as a couple that women who carry around tons of shit inside their purses should be able to carry their own purses and not emasculate their boyfriends/husbands with stupid rhinestoned, sparkly, pink purses); you stopped each time I said that things are starting to get painful; you were very protective of me, reminding me to be extra careful as people might accidentally bump me even how careful we try to be; you bought me my favorite subway sandwich; you treated me to frozen yogurt so I can sit peacefully in the kiosk while you queued and paid the bills in the bank; you made me stand in the mall entrance so I don't have to walk again to the car and you picked me up, valet-style.

I'm very happy coming home -- despite all the tragedies that found its way in our usually action-comedy life -- that you are with me, holding my hand. I'm gonna throw in the waterworks as well when I say that today I realized that you meant what you said that first day of March, two years ago and eighteenth of December, four years ago. The grammar nazi in me couldn't help but notice the mispronunciation of the word poorer into foorer, and it always brings Adolf Hitler into the mix; for I was a Nazi and you unconsciously just said fuhrer (Fuhrer in German means leader which was what they called Hitler). You occasionally have those inevitable p-f and b-v deficiency; after all, you are a civil engineer, not a call center agent.

But I remember how you said to me twice as a couple, that you'll be with me "for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health". I just realized that we are a walking proof of those vows and for that I'm very thankful for you. Prior to our wedding, we had an engagement shoot, we chose Mr & Mrs. Smith as the theme because we love action movies, we love Brangelina and we know that love is NEVER a walk in the beach, a stroll in the park, nor a picnic made in heaven; love is battlefield and we'll wear our battle scars proudly with every war we face together.

I'll marry you a thousand times over if our lives permit it, even if it means that we end up like Ellie and Carl. Just the two of us, holding hands.

Writing

I am writing something. I'd probably publish this here in my blog as the "About Us" section. Right now, it's still in the works.

My Baby Boy!

Love his eyes. <3 A month + til our Anniversary!!

The Naive Leap by Ala Paredes

Read the entire post here.

After reading the said post, there were tears involuntarily flowing from my eyes. Maybe because I chose to be naive and not jaded; and that's quite a first - I've always chose to be jaded on some of the most important aspects of life. I guess I'm a romantic, I also figured that I am sort of conservative, even judgmental on certain issues that revolve around it, I also found myself thinking of a lot of I should'ves on certain things but I still felt lucky that I get to experience the Naive Leap Ala was talking about. We didn't prepare too much, we didn't think too much, we just followed gut. News of being married at age 22 tends to elicit a deluge of mixed reactions, opinions and emotions, especially to people who doesn't know what's happening within the corners of our home, but I'd say we decided to get married for the correct reasons; even after losing the baby - which people might think was the only reason we did.

Though what really annoys the socks out of me along the lines of this topic is when people ask, "When will you have babies?". I literally want to punch people so their front teeth will fall out when I hear this. I want to come up with smart-ass retort and be as insensitive as they are but I guess I've mastered being calm somehow and I just answer "Ayaw pa namin". Why the need for such questions? To pressure? To make us experience whatever it is you're experiencing? To prove a point that the reason we really decided to get married was because of pregnancy? You don't know our timelines, let alone our mental processes.

In spite of that certain pet peeve, so far, it's been pretty successful. Perhaps because we're not as naive as expected, we're not going through the motions yet: we don't have a baby, which makes living a hundred times easier for a couple; we both have stable, decent-paying jobs that can take care of the bills and some; we're not trigger happy when it comes to our vanities; we're able to sustain and maintain Maslow's heirarchy of needs: physiological, security, belongingness, esteem and a bit of self-actualization.

We just took a naive leap. Sure, it is a "blank cheque" as Ala puts it, but we decided on this based on our need and want to be together, without the I-love-you-I-hate-you-I-leave-you-let's-get-back-together-coz-I-love-you-again-but-then-again-I'm-not-so-sure shenanigan. Sure, we might have construed timelines when we decide to do certain things and accomplish certain goals, but if things doesn't work as planned, we'll still push through. Because at the end of the day, it's about a commitment to make it work, TOGETHER.